My oh My, Which Bike to Buy

I have been spending an unreasonable amount of time fretting about how to replace my broken bike. My quest for a new bike has turned into an epic adventure. You can read about a part of it at my other blog: Cycling fool

How to Operate a Motor Vehicle: Part 1

About a week ago I was hit by a car while riding my bicycle. I do not seem to be injured much by it, only a bump on my knee and a red mark on my shoulder. However, my bike was totaled and I very easily could have been killed. You can read about the accident at my other blog Cycling Fool.

However, in light of that near miss I want to take some space here to review a few driving rules:
First, turning vehicles must yield to traffic, including bicyclists and pedestrians. The man who hit me was turning left. He was turning across two lanes of traffic and a bicycle lane. According to the law, he was supposed to make sure that all lanes AND the crosswalk were clear before turning left across them. He obviously failed to do this.
This is also true when turning right, especially at a red light or stop sign. Many people do not know (because they are ignorant of traffic laws and selfish on the road) that they must come to a full and complete stop at a red light BEHIND THE CROSSWALK or BEHIND THE STOP SIGN. Many people think that they can stop in the crosswalk, or that they only have to slow down if they are turning right. These people are stupid and are likely to kill someone.
Here is the proper way to turn right at a red light or stop sign: First, come to a full stop behind the crosswalk or stop sign. If at this time you need to move your car forward in order to see to your left (for example, if there is a car to your left blocking your view) you can do so carefully, watching for people crossing in front of you. Then if everything is clear, you may turn.

If you are turning right OR left on a green light, YOU MUST YIELD TO PEDESTRIANS!!!!!!!!!! I know that this comes as a complete surprise to many of you. After the amazement wears off you might want to go check and see if there are any dead bodies under your front bumper.
When you a have a green light, pedestrians may also have a green light and there is no reason why you should run them over or honk at them while they legally crossing the street. Simply wait for them, then turn.

Now many of you violate these rules because you are in a big stinkin' hurry and you think that you are more important than other people in the world, especially those who are not in cars. Many times you are in a big hurry because you are late.
This is a problem with a solution: Leave earlier.
Plan ahead, know how long it is going to take for you to get there, then add 10% and leave accordingly. The world is full of clocks and you can even buy one at Wal-mart and wear it on your wrist so that you can know precicely what time to leave. If things go well you will arrive relaxed and early and if you have to wait for some pedestrians you will arrive on time.
If this does not work and you are going to be late anyway, simply be late. Driving fast will not get you there much sooner but it will greatly increase the chances of someone dying.

Stay tuned for future installments of "How to Operate a Motor Vehicle." And I am more than willing to give one-on-one lessons and/or deomnstrations.

Bipartisan Cola

I was buying groceries at Albertson's one day and I saw some Jones Soda. The bottles looked like this:
They only had the two political flavors, Pure McCain Cola and Yes We Can Cola. There wasn't any Bob Bar Root Beer or Cynthia McKinney Mango. I looked at the Jones web page, www.campaigncola.com, and did find that they had Ron Paul Revolution Cola* and Capitol Hillary Cola. But as usual, the only way to access the other candidates was through the internet.
I enjoy a Jones Soda on occasion so I bought a bottle of each. It was a very bipartisan move. I took them both home and refrigerated them. A few days later I drank one of them. It tasted good, like a Jones Soda should. The next day I drank the other one...and I realized that it tasted exactly the same. It seemed odd to me but when I looked at the labels I found that on the inside, they were of the same substance:
It turns out they were different in label only.

*By the way, Ron Paul Revolution Cola was in second place in the Jones poll. Check it out.

I Feel Like a Real Pastor

I have been easing into my responsibilities as intern at the church, taking on a little at a time. For the next couple of days, my supervising pastor is gone, so I have taken on even more responsibilities.

Today I led the adult Bible study and helped with the preschool chapel. I spoke to a woman and took her down to a local hotel to help her get a room with one of the vouchers that the church gives out. I interacted with a mentally ill and very unpredictable woman who cannot hang out at the church too long (because of dangerous behavior in the past). I drove half way across town to see a parishioner in the hospital. I even worked on my sermon for Sunday. And for some reason this was the first day I've worn a clergy shirt during the week. It was one of the first days that I felt like a real pastor.

Wind is Evil

***WARNING: This post contains a certain amount of hyperbole. I assure you, however, that this is the most important hyperbole in the world, ever.

As many of you may know, I am not a big fan of wind. Or to be hyperbolic: I HATE WIND!!!!!!!! I am convinced that all wind blows straight up out of the very depths of Hades.

I should make an important distinction at this point. There is a difference between wind and a nice breeze. Breezes are sent by God to refresh the air, cool our bodies, and rustle the leaves. However, if the air is moving at a speed greater than that which is necessary to accomplish these tasks or others like it, then it is wind.
And wind is bad/my least favorite weather element/a great cause of unceasing frustration.

Yesterday I encountered wind here in California for the first time. I rode my bike in it. It is also teaming up with fire to try and burn down houses north of LA. Fire is bad sometimes, but it gets together with wind it is bad news. Wind brings out the very worst in fires. There are many firemen right now who hate wind even more than I do.

Wind makes any other weather element worse. Rain is OK, but if it is blown by wind it is worse. Snow is OK, but wind makes it into a blizzard. Wind makes the cold colder and the hot more like a blow dryer. Tornadoes and hurricanes are wind.
Wind blows dirt into my eyes, papers off my desk, and debris into the road.
Wind does so much more than I can write about here so I have decided to start a list, found to the right, of all the negatives of wind.

I Love Libraries

I don't have to preach tomorrow. I do have to preach next week. It's Matthew 22:15-22. The story where Jesus says, "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's." I decided that I needed to do some thorough exegesis for this one. For those of you who may not know, exegesis is like doing research on a specific Bible text. You tear it all apart and find out what every word means and meant. It involves lexicons, concordances, Bible dictionaries, commentaries, and maybe even, if you're lucky, a little Greek grammar! I don't happen to have a reference library with all those volumes (yet), so I went down to Biola. They were nice enough to give me the clergy rate on a library card and let me loose with the books.

I know libraries aren't fun houses for most people. However, I didn't have a deadline, I have a week until the sermon, the exegesis isn't graded, and I'm actually very interested in studying the Bible, so I was just soaking up the library. It was nice to be in a student atmosphere again. It was nice to have so many useful books in the same room with me. I just like libraries.

PS One of my biggest pet peeves in life is to go to the shelf in a library and find that the book I need is not there. Especially if it is a reference book or a reserved book. It happened to me today. I needed the third volume of the Anchor Bible Dictionary and it was gone. I din't see it laying anywhere and I didn't see anyone using it. I sure hope someone didn't just take it out of the reference area and leave it somewhere. That would be ridiculouse.

Friday?

Fridays are weird now. Fridays are my day off. I've never had a day off like this before. On Friday I can sleep in and stay up late. Then I can sleep in again on Saturday. It used to be that I could stay up late on Friday night, then sleep in on Saturday morning. I could stay up late on Saturday, but there was always church on Sunday so no sleeping in. Now I have these Fridays. I don't know what to do with them.
Today I cleaned my apartment. What a weird life.

You Shall Have No Other Striped Shirt Before Me

Last week, at the end of confirmation class, we played a little quiz game. We had just spent the hour talking about the ten commandments. Two students went head-to-head.
Question: "What is the first commandment."
Silence.
They didn't know.

This week, one of the contestants of that little failure of my teaching career, pointed out that I was wearing a different striped shirt this week. I wear a lot of striped shirts. Apparently I wore the same shirt the first two weeks. I didn't know it. They didn't know the first commandment. I guess we both need to pay better attention.

I Just Wanna Be a Sheep

"He would whack him on the head with the staff!"
Today, in their weekly chapel, the preschoolers were hearing about Jesus being the good shepherd. The teacher was reading them the 23rd psalm and showing them pictures in a book. She explained how the shepherd has a staff with a crook to keep the sheep in line and protect them. There was a picture of a wolf in one of the pictures and she asked, "What does the shepherd do when a wolf comes?" To which a 4 year answered, "He would whack him on the head with the staff!"

The image of Jesus as shepherd is used a lot in the church and in the Bible and it is a good image. But I always think about the calm sheep and green pastures and the idyllic life of a shepherd. This four year today reminded me that being a shepherd is hard, dirty, dangerous work that has a dark side. The four year old was exactly right however. (Perhaps someday he will be a brilliant theologian or preacher.) When Satan comes after us, Jesus, the good shepherd, bashes him on the head with his staff. In fact, Jesus on the cross is that crushing blow. Satan prowls like a roaring lion and when he gets close to Jesus' flock Jesus takes his staff and strikes him a mighty blow. And thank God he does. We are no more than stupid sheep and would be devoured for sure.

PS Shepherd imagery worked great in the Bible because they actually had shepherds around. We don't anymore and so I think we lack a lot of understanding. There is a great child's book about a boy shepherd and it gives a great picture of the difficulties of being a shepherd. I recommend it to everyone, especially people who are going to be pastors. It is called The Hay Meadow by Gary Paulson. (Probably not related to Prof. Paulson.)

No Post Today

I wanted this to be a good blog, with a post everyday. I also wanted it to be interesting. Something that was worth your time to read. I don't think I can do both. And quality is more important than quantity. (Anyway, you all should be out working hard, doing good works for your neighbors, not reading this blog.) So there won't be a post today. Check back later.

Kitchens and Dark Parking Lots

For some reason, I have found that a large percentage of substantial conversations happen in kitchens and parking lots late at night. The kitchens I can sort of understand. People just hang out in kitchens. It's where the food is. It's where Mom is (traditionally). I've been at more than one lock-in, at 2am, in the kitchen, talking to youth about life and God. I talked to my parents about college at the kitchen table. Dad talked to salesmen at the kitchen table. And whenever there is a family gathering there is a group in the kitchen talking about something interesting. For whatever reason significant conversation happens in the kitchen.

But I have also had many conversations with people in parking lots late at night. We'll be on our way to our cars and just as we are about the go our separate ways we begin to talk about the world, life, religion, and politics. And we'll end up standing there for over an hour, talking.
It happened to me tonight. I was leaving the church after going to the praise band practice. Two other guys and myself starting talking about how crazy the world seems with the economic "crisis," the election, and everything else in the world. Somehow we started talking about religion too, and we got onto the subject of evangelical mega churches and altar calls. We actually started talking about the Gospel!!!! We even talked about Law/Gospel.

The Gospel is to be proclaimed to all people everywhere. And sometimes we have to stand around in a dark parking lot for an hour before the opportunity comes.
The moral of the story: If you want to proclaim the good news to people, you have to be with people, wherever they are, whenever they are.

Perhaps a Poll and Some Rain

I will begin with an apology. Yesterday's post may have been politically offensive to some people. Sometimes things happen in this world that my public school education has not equipped me to understand. I get all worked up in a frustrated confusion which then spews out all slobbered in sarcasm. (Yes Aase, if only I had the technology.)
Please check out the poll to the right and voice your opinion. I'm quite curious to see the results. (Please vote only once.)

It rained yesterday. It also rained last Monday. Now for all of you who live in the Northwest, or Midwest, or Alaska, or any normal place on earth, this may not seem like big news. But I have lived here since the middle of August and this was the first precipitation. I was beginning to think that my roof was just a decoration. People told me it doesn't normally rain much. This is a desert. So when it started raining on Monday, all of us at church went and stood by the window and looked out at the rain. I'll have to admit, I was glad to see it. It freshened up the air a bit.
They tell me that this winter we might get a lot of rain. I'm not sure what they mean by a lot. They also tell me that it is going to get "cold," but there isn't a lick of insulation in my apartment and the water main valves here are above ground. If 50 degrees is their idea of cold, then I wonder how much rain is "a lot."
I am looking forward to the rain though because it washes the smog out of the air (and into the ocean, along with tons of trash). They tell me that I will be able to see Catalina Island from La Habra Heights. If you look at my bicycle blog you will see that right now, with the smog you can barely see La Habra. So I look forward to rain.

I Want It All

**SARCASM ALERT**SARCASM ALERT**

In light of recent action taken by the congress of the United States of America, I have decided to change my financial strategy. Starting today, I am going to try and spend as much money as I possibly can. It has become obvious to me that it is the least that I can do for the stability and prosperity of this country. The United States economy and indeed the economy of the entire world depends on me. I will no longer save money. Instead I will apply for as many credit cards as I possibly can and then I will buy as many luxury items as I can with those credit cards. I think I will begin with a new road bike, maybe a mountain bike as well. Then an entirely new wardrobe. I also need a vastly greater number of shoes. Of course there will be the necessary electronics, plasma TV, surround sound system, and at least 100 DVDs. This spending will not be enough though. There is more that I must do to protect our way of life and the American Dream.
I will buy a new car. It will not matter that I am living on an intern's salary because I won't need a down payment and will have the credit cards. This will of course have to be the biggest and most expensive car possible so that Detroit can make its money and the oil companies as well. I will not stop here however.
I will also buy a house. Preferably the most overpriced house in America. Any bank in this nation will give me a loan because the price of houses has to keep going up forever so there couldn't possibly be any risk for them. (Anyway, if the mortgage does go bad on them, they can always sell it to the government.) To do anything else would be un-American. Again, I don't need to worry about my income because I will not need a down payment and I am paying for everything else with credit cards. Maybe I can make my house payments on a credit card as well. It doesn't matter that I don't need the house (the church has put me up in a nice apartment), it is the American Dream. Every time I gain any equity in the house, I will borrow against in and buy more stuff. In a couple of years, when the price of my house has doubled (how could the price possibly not go up from the overinflated price that I pay for it?), I will sell it, buy two more houses and a yacht.
I am hoping that if I put my all into this spending plan I can make up for all those years of being prudent, responsible, and un-American.

*The views expressed in this post do not necessarily reflect those of The Scooter Report or its advertisers.

The Beginning of a Blog

This is my new blog. I realize that most blogs have some focus or theme or specific subject matter. For example, many of my friends have blogs that are about their internships, some people have political blogs, and some people even have blogs about dogs.
This blog, however, will most likely be about all those things and more. (I don't promise much about dogs though.) I don't have much to say at this time, but if you check back in later, there may be something to read.