I Want It All

**SARCASM ALERT**SARCASM ALERT**

In light of recent action taken by the congress of the United States of America, I have decided to change my financial strategy. Starting today, I am going to try and spend as much money as I possibly can. It has become obvious to me that it is the least that I can do for the stability and prosperity of this country. The United States economy and indeed the economy of the entire world depends on me. I will no longer save money. Instead I will apply for as many credit cards as I possibly can and then I will buy as many luxury items as I can with those credit cards. I think I will begin with a new road bike, maybe a mountain bike as well. Then an entirely new wardrobe. I also need a vastly greater number of shoes. Of course there will be the necessary electronics, plasma TV, surround sound system, and at least 100 DVDs. This spending will not be enough though. There is more that I must do to protect our way of life and the American Dream.
I will buy a new car. It will not matter that I am living on an intern's salary because I won't need a down payment and will have the credit cards. This will of course have to be the biggest and most expensive car possible so that Detroit can make its money and the oil companies as well. I will not stop here however.
I will also buy a house. Preferably the most overpriced house in America. Any bank in this nation will give me a loan because the price of houses has to keep going up forever so there couldn't possibly be any risk for them. (Anyway, if the mortgage does go bad on them, they can always sell it to the government.) To do anything else would be un-American. Again, I don't need to worry about my income because I will not need a down payment and I am paying for everything else with credit cards. Maybe I can make my house payments on a credit card as well. It doesn't matter that I don't need the house (the church has put me up in a nice apartment), it is the American Dream. Every time I gain any equity in the house, I will borrow against in and buy more stuff. In a couple of years, when the price of my house has doubled (how could the price possibly not go up from the overinflated price that I pay for it?), I will sell it, buy two more houses and a yacht.
I am hoping that if I put my all into this spending plan I can make up for all those years of being prudent, responsible, and un-American.

*The views expressed in this post do not necessarily reflect those of The Scooter Report or its advertisers.